its time to be a big girl now.... and big girls don't cry...

so today, like 1 week 2 days after the big break, i finally go out willingly with a friend. took me damn long get out of the house. everyday damn depressed, no mood to do anything or go anywhere. what hurts more is that he is moving on. like fast. 3 days and he's skatin smoking drinking and oh yeah, outside my window. (the park downstairs)

imagine the hurt? its like nothing between us mattered. so easy for him to move on and do things to hurt me. like smoke? drink? promised he wouldnt.... i didnt force him to quit mind you. he said he loved me so much he would. and look.

so anyway today at like 11am made my way down to city hall. hated traveling alone. damn not used to it. to distract my mind from thinking of him, i brought my philo notes to read in the train. hated seeing couples together.... made me remember the happy times he could just throw away.

arrived early. had to wait for vivian but that's not the part that sucked. just that he and i used to go to city hall, shop, buy same band shirts to wear as couple. oh yeah i saw a couple wearing matching stuff and nearly cursed at them.

then saw vivian! that was an uplift. the gym was fun. talking while exercising, crapping around with the different machines we dint really know how to use. haha the skating one. lol.

the best was talking. thanks for helping me girl. really.

then we had lunch, and talked more... walked around awhile then she had to go.

that part sucked. cos then i had to do solo traveling again. i really miss martin taking care of me. but a bigger part of me is so damn sad that he could do all this. leave. after everything. after all our plans.

going home, i couldnt read my notes. the train was too crowded....

luckily vivian was msging me almost all the way. helped take my mind off my loneliness to an extent. loves...

think he'll ever get to his senses?

went home and saw my baby!! omg she's 2 months like ytd. and today they had a party without me okay.... :( but she's in good hands with my family. maybe i'll post some pictures later.

i'm taking baby steps.. and i feel myself getting better.