sad

woke up today with a sad longing feeling. i hate waking up like this but it always happens. i miss those times! i wish he wasnt only playing with my heart! i wish it was all true! why did he have to let me live a lie then take it away?? i really want to call!! i want to ask for those times back!! but i know it'll be different. after all he's done to hurt me like as though nothing. i just wish none of this happened.

and if it had to be a lie, i wish i didnt start the relationship. then i wouldnt have to fall so hard. a part of me was always thinking, this is too good to be true. but he told me to trust him. which i did wholeheartedly! omgg and now its just gone like that! i should have listened to myself. why did i love so much when he wasnt treasuring me. it was all a lie!!

i want to be happy. how do i do that?